Which of these changes, if any, would improve the organization of ideas in this letter?
Dear Dr. Smith –
[1] As a senior at Central high school, I am writing to you in the hopes that you will reconsider the decision to cancel Prom this year because of budget constraints. Prom has become a cultural rite of passage for teenagers across the country. It is an opportunity to create special memories with classmates that will last a lifetime. We do not want to be denied the experience simply because the school has determined there is not enough money.
[2] I understand that Prom comes with an expensive price tag. There must be found a place that will accommodate the large crowd that Prom is sure to draw. Drinks and refreshments must be provided and paid for. A photographer must be hired to take the memorable photos. Security must be paid to ensure everyone’s safety at the event.
[3] There are creative ways to pay for the costs associated with Prom. Us as seniors would like to propose several fundraising options, including holding a car wash, bake sale, and school-wide dance with the revenues from the door going to fund Prom.
[4] Please don’t allow our senior year memories to be tainted by a lack of Prom. We have worked hard all throughout our four years of high school. We have been looking forward each year to being closer to our own Prom experience. Let’s work together to determine how we can manage to pay for Prom and help Central High School students make magical memories.
Thank you for your time, Ima Student
No change; the organization of ideas is best as written.
Make paragraph 2 the last paragraph.
Make paragraph 4 the first paragraph.
Add a paragraph about programs the school could cut out next year in order to be able to afford next year’s prom.
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