Question 2 - High School English I: Writing Practice Test for the STAAR test

What is the most effective revision to make to sentence 11 of the attached passage?

Roshan has written a “how-to” paper for a class assignment. Read his paper and look for any revisions he should make.

How to Make Homemade Ice Cream

(1) Nothing is better on a hot summer’s day than a big bowl of cold, refreshing ice cream! (2) This summer treat can be enjoyed at backyard BBQs, swim parties, or just because. (3) Unfortunately, many store-bought ice creams contain fillers and chemicals intended to enhance the flavor or help the product last longer, but homemade ice cream tastes even more delicious and you control the ingredients! (4) Here is how to make tasty homemade ice cream for you and your friends this summer.

(5) The first thing you will need to do is find an ice cream maker. (6) Ice cream can be made without a machine, but it’s a little more time intensive. (7) We’ll get to that later. (8) Once you find an ice cream maker, read the instructions for use carefully. (9) Some machines require a certain freezing period before you start making your ice cream, so it’s important to plan ahead.

(10) Gather your ingredients. (11) We’ll cover how to make a basic vanilla ice cream, which you can jazz up with fresh or frozen berries or your favorite candy additions, like chocolate chips or peanut butter cups or candy canes or crushed up cookies or chunks of cake. (12) For the ice cream itself, you will need heavy cream, whole milk, sugar, and vanilla. (13) Combine all of the ingredients, stirring to dissolve the sugar. (14) Pour the ice cream mixture into the machine, filling no more than two-thirds full (or whatever the manufacturer’s directions suggest) and freeze according to the users manual.

(15) When finished, you’ll have creamy homemade vanilla ice cream ready to enjoy with your favorite toppings or delicious by itself. (16) If you don’t have an ice cream machine, no worries. (17) You can still make ice cream. (18) To do so, place a 9x13 inch dish in the freezer until cold. (19) Prepare the ice cream mixture as stated above, and pour it into the cold dish. (20) Return the dish to the freezer until the edges of the mixture start to set, about 20-30 minutes. (21) Using a hand mixer, beat the mixture until smooth, incorporating the frozen parts with those not yet frozen. (22) Cover and return to the freezer until all of the mixture is firm, at least 3 hours, beating again every 30 minutes to ensure ice cream consistency.

(23) Enjoy your summer treat!

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