What is the main characteristic of this essay that would cause it to be scored poorly?
This essay was written in response to a prompt asking the writer to agree or disagree with the practice of letting parents see their children’s medical records. It is used here only for proofreading practice and not as an example of exemplary writing.
(1) Yes, parents should have excess to their children’s medical records. This should happen as long as the child has not declared themselves emancipated (legally independent) from the parent. If a child is emancipated, then parents should not be able to see medical records. Parents who are paying for their son or daughter’s living or school expenses have a right to know about their health. Also, parents might have medical information to add to the child’s records. In any case, it is a parent’s right to know.
(2) If a parent is paying money for a child to go to college or for any living expenses, the parent should be able to know what is in the child’s medical records. It is not fair to be paying for things, especially medical bills, and not know what is going on with your child. Plus, the child may not know medical information that needs to be added to the record for the sake of his health.
(3) Also, if something happened to the child, parent’s would want to know. The parent is the one who raised the child all those years and is the most interested in the child’s health. It shouldn’t matter if the child wants the parent to know, or not. Parents have a rite to know what is going on concerning the health of their children.
There is a lack of development and support.
All required characteristics of a good essay are evident.
There are errors in sentence structure.
There are errors in mechanics (capitalization and punctuation).
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